I had a
strange experience recently: for the very first time, a stranger asked me if my 21-year-old son has autism.
We were on
holiday in Northern Spain, staying at a tiny hotel with just 6 rooms. The hotel
was in a tiny village near San Sebastian that happened to be on the Camino del
Norte, or Northern Way, which is a well known hiking route. The route was originally
a pilgrimage to the city of Santiago de Compostella. The route seems to be popular
with older Americans and British.
At breakfast
there was one long table and so strangers were almost inevitably going to talk
to each other. For Americans this is normal behaviour, but much less so for
Europeans.
Monty was wearing a new replacement set of wireless headphones, which we had not quite figured out how to reliably connect to all his devices. As a result, he did look like the classic person with autism – wearing ear defenders and looking anxious.
“Excuse me, is he autistic?”, queried a guest who was walking the Camino del Norte with a friend.
It turned
out that this fellow guest at the hotel had an adult son with autism, now in his 30s.
His son is still doing ABA and does not get taken on holidays. “I'm impressed
you take him with you,” he commented.
We felt it
necessary to explain that Monty can do a lot: he completed mainstream school, passed his exams like the typical students, and now travels alone by public
transport to “work” twice a week. He has been to China, Japan, South America and most of Europe. He can ski down black slopes, play the piano …
Our fellow
guest told us how once his son had eloped and a police helicopter had been
needed to find him, not surprisingly near an expanse of water. He did not
attend school, due to his sensory issues.
This got me
thinking about how we presume competence, or indeed incompetence.
These
concepts have become quite a topic in the field of inclusive education. They
have been rather stretched by the DEI people, but they are worth evaluating.
Most people
assume that a person who behaves typically and is fully verbal must have full
mental competence. We are surprised when that assumption proves false. For instance, Harvard University has
introduced remedial math classes for some students; you wonder how that is
possible. Similarly, some high school students in the U.S. cannot read analog clocks.
Social media is awash with videos of young adults asking high school aged kids
basic questions like "what is 33 divided by 3?" and having them unable to even
make a reasonable guess. There is even a meme of teenage American girls being
asked "in what country is Alaska?" and one answers Mississippi.
When we see
a person who is not fully fluent verbally, most people tend to presume incompetence.
Last night, as Monty and I were completing our evening uphill “rucking” (fast
walking with weights), I decided to check something. An out of breath Peter said “Mont, what is 33 divided by
3?” Without hesitation, he replied “eleven.” OK, I can use that example.
Stretching
boundaries
I did
explain in Spain how we got to the point of travel independence. It was a step-by-step process and did not happen overnight, or by itself. I was asked how far
away I was during this process. I did explain that with modern GPS tracking
available on phones and air tags, it is now very much safer and easier. But
things can and will go wrong – that is life. People learn by making mistakes – best
make small ones, whilst you are still young!
I am a
proponent of constantly stretching boundaries on the basis that taking many
small steps forward can take you a long way. Just as it does for those older
folk walking along the Camino del Norte.
Constantly stretching boundaries and gradually extending your comfort zone seems a good approach to autism.
Mission
Impossible in 4D
Monty’s big
brother took me and Monty to see the new Mission Impossible film last
week. As we were about to buy the
tickets, big brother said “Oh no, it's in 4D”. Watching movies in 4D is like
being on a plane in severe turbulence. “No problem, he will enjoy it” was my
response.
This was an
example of presuming competence.
It was a
great film to see in 4D, it really is a compelling experience. 100 times better
than films in 3D.
Monty loved
it.
What
about those who are never competent?
For the DEI (i.e.
not realistic) version of competence, here is a link to the TACA site.
Presuming Competence in Autism
Presuming competence means valuing all people, including those with autism, as whole individuals with the right to express their thoughts, feelings, and opinions. For individuals with autism, this includes the right to communicate, the right to be treated their age, to have their views and feelings respected, and to be involved in decisions about their lives, large or small. This article covers ways and things to consider when presuming competence in your loved one with autism.
Speak Directly to the Person and in an Age-Appropriate Manner
Presume that everyone can understand what is being said.
Do not talk down to people with autism.
Do not use baby talk or a baby voice.
Etc …
The problem
is that some people have impaired cognition, not just impaired verbal communications
skills. They may never be able to safely cross a road independently, and some will
grow up to be like a toddler in an adult’s body.
However, some young
children diagnosed with level 3 autism have made such great strides in the
early years that they have left their greatest challenges behind them. They should no longer be considered at level 3.
The Lancet
Commission has wisely stated that you need to wait until the age of 8 before you can reliably diagnose profound autism. For these children, stretching boundaries seems a better and safer approach than presuming
competence.
This is truly inspiring, Peter. You're an incredible human being and a devoted father. The love and dedication you’ve shown brought a tear to my eye. Thank you for sharing this journey with all of us !
ReplyDeleteYou have a big heart to share your personal experiences with all of us. Thank you. Your blog has helped me last 3 years.
ReplyDeleteWe often get strange questions. I navigate such situations with the following thought: there are two parallel realities that collapsed at that time, mine and an opponent with a question or reaction. I could get him to my and my daughter's storybook starting to process and change something in his mind, or I just flow to my reality and will meet next people who I accept to my journey and memories. This is my choice of what type reality I would like to create and process around myself. Normally I just ignore those noise.
ReplyDeleteWe try to give our daughter the same types of everyday activities that are appropriate for her motor skills, just like any neurotypical child. Traveling abroad, cinema, entertainment etc.
Personally, I find it weird to send an autistic child to a facility for the weekend, supposedly just to spend more time with another sibling. Or drop them off during the holidays. Yet, this seems to be typical practice across Europe.
We visited a developmental pediatrician, and at the end of the appointment, her conclusion was to give us the address of a special needs institution where I could "drop off" my child for the weekend. Welcome to Switzerland. Traveling abroad seems easier than navigating local systems. Presume competence is what we , parents, must advocate in our everyday life.